November Rain..

Its seemingly feeling like decades after I had last tended to my blog. Perhaps exams do this to oneself..that I kept coming on and off the 'line' for the past one-and-a-half months only to rummage fruitlessly through some social networking sites, scribbling nonsense that led me nowhere. And tried keeping up the best of my efforts to hope to be back again on some fine morning at my literary best. Somewhere down the line, I wonder, whether I really should have taken up microbio in graduation. Or science in the first place. For nothing can be more excruciating than the attempt to comprehend how hard your T-lymphocytes and B-lymphocytes work in order to protect you from the big bad world, with two lines of poetry crossing you every now and then, that has just stumbled upon your mind. In the meanwhile, my monitor went dysfunc. and the entire system had to be transplanted with a second hand cousin, bearing innumerable scratches and fingerprints on its facade, which was enough to strain my eyes from having a view of whatever I'm scribbling down. But its comforting to be back on a writing spree..and I definitely refuse to put my pens down.

There has been some relief of late on the academic front. After shouting endlessly (behind closed doors) at the irresponsible stance of the college authorities to have scheduled an honours exam on the day of a BJP strike, and implore them politely with abundant reasons, our fifth semester exams have finally been postponed for half-a-month. And that was more of a success than what the BJP themselves can achieve through their strike..though I seriously doubt how effective this extended spell would be on our analogous lazy minds and what degree of futility will these silent demonstrations and noisy pleadings amount to, for the reverse doesn't work in Xaviers. But still, as of now, the thought of exams are a tad bit relieving. Rather, life seems worth re-living now.

Winter perhaps, after their long break-up spell of two years, has decided to settle its differences with Calcutta. Last Dec-Jan months had barely been a trailer of what Calcutta is like without men sweating profusely. The rise in humidity post Diwali is somehow endurable..for I had learnt of something called 'October heat' in class five geography books. But any justification behind January heat, I bet, can even put geography to shame. But this time around, winter, it seems, is here to stay..thanks to a few unexpected spells of November rain.

College life is nearing a dead end. Way more dead, since the next avenues are still under heavy mist cover, hesistant enough to go open. Wish its not what we've spent three years hearing to..the pride in declaring that there's "Nothing beyond". Cheer Nihil Ultra, anyone? Finally, making ourselves believe that we have literally concluded with five semesters out of six is something to wonder about and ponder upon.

Today, its one of the most special days of my life, if not the most..Only that it hurts to be alone on a day like this. Its we who made it special, and its us to whom it is. And hence, its all the more painful to celebrate such a day with exams intersecting the back of my mind every second. This blog was an effort to celebrate the day in my own petite way..owing the present joyous state of my mind to the little pleasantries that has been trickling onto my life now and then. And to reach out to you miles away with a share of the feeling that is destined to remain the same..

"When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you, Don't you know I feel the same?

'Cause nothin' lasts forever..And we both know hearts can change

And it's hard to hold a candle

In the cold November rain.."

Hangover...

At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind will come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone..

I go out on a party
And look for a little fun
But I find a darkened corner
'Cause I still miss someone..

Oh, no I never got over those blues eyes
I see them every where
I miss those arms that held me
When all the love was there..

I wonder if he's sorry
For leavin' what we'd begun
There's someone for me somewhere
And I still miss someone..

and i still miss someone...

This is to something I haven't yet been able to put to words, or speak out to someone. And to a friend who just had a heartbreak.

It's been an year...

...And the day has come again. Its one of those things that, of late, I have awaited the least. And yet, its here again..with all its hues of blight. Its again that I wished to wake up a little late, and cry a bit more into the midnight. To drive recklessly down the streets, oblivious of what may happen, or is yet to happen. And search for a blue under the city's sky which always seems somewhat incomplete without him. The blue that is reminiscent of thousands of tears and tussels, panics and promises. And the blue furry overcoat that he wished to buy for his twins. Its again, yet again, that I clawed my fists to fight a few tears back. And wished learning to play the flute to allure someone to stay back a few more moments. I wished in the least to do this to him today. But yet again, I had to bid him farewell with another counterfeit smiling face. It haunts me to see the innocent smile on his face. For the times I've wronged him, and ruthlessly stained that innate innocence. And on the way to the victory of my fruitless pride, losing the piece of himself he asked me to secure. God, it kills me like anything. And how hopelessly I crave to beg him on my knees..for a single moment of atonement. Maybe he'll never ask for an apology..And may lend his hand to guide me through this redemption. Maybe I'll never know how he felt when the last bend made us go out of sight..Or what he had to say apart from wiping my tears. Maybe I'll never know how many nights I've made him cry..And how long. Maybe I'll never know him crying..Or he'll never show anything but a smile. But it's been an year. An year less than the years we're destined to stay apart. And an year towards the future we have painted together. And yet, another year, of what makes you feel proud of. I'll miss him. His innocent smiles. His earnest attempts to make me smile some more. And the image of my helpless smiles in his eyes. For he has indeed being the one, who has brought about the eternal spring in my life..painted my days green and nights scarlet, like the imminent rains resting on the evening sky..and fabricated the abstract essence of happiness somewhere between the troughs and crests of my life.

The Twelfth Night..

I really don't know what has been so special about the rains these days. I haven't been able to talk to the rain for quite some time now on account of some nerve-wrecking exam preparations, but nevertheless could I feel myself listening to it every night. And it was the twelfth night of the fifth month of the ongoing year that I waited for hours on end for it, but nevertheless did it betray me, like it does on the hot summer afternoons. I was away from my bedroom and without my pillow to help me cry out the entire night, for we stayed back at my uncle's place on account of the elections. And it was 2 o' clock in the midnight that I found myself insomniac, sitting beside someone else's window and looking out into the night through a not-so-familiar wind, with a void mind somehow brimming with a lot of things to say.....about how some paths had intersected, about the divinity in them and how life deserved to have been beyond it. For it was just a couple of years back that I spent my happiest night on the twelfth night of the fifth month of 2007.

It brought back those tears which I had not expected that night, and the eerie feeling that quite often makes me beg before the rain to come and cover up the whole of my existence in the eddy currents of its fearful and loathsome vigour.

And reminded me the moment back home, when on the terrace with my mother under the full moon-light, I saw her eyes getting filled up reminiscing some distant, unfulfilled, unforgettable memories while musing on the lines...

"Shokhi bhalobasha kare koy...
Shey ki keboli jatonamoy..."

The Way You Look Tonight...

There was a time...I was everything and nothing all in one
When you found me,
I was feeling like a cloud across the sun...
I need to tell you,
How you light up every second of the day...
But in the moonlight,
You just shine like a beacon on the bay...
And I can't explain..
But it's something about the way you look tonight...
It takes my breath away
It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside.
And I can't describe...
But it's something about the way you look tonight.
With a smile..You pull the deepest secrets from my heart
In all honesty
I'm speechless...and I don't know where to start
But its something about the way you look tonight...
It takes my breath away
And its a feeling deep inside...
That I can't describe.


P.S.-This is my first post which is not an original work of mine.I usually don't prefer this...but coudn't resist myself from dedicating this incredible song to someone.Its not here just for being a favourite...its meant for a very special person in my life.

Sans YOU...

I know its hard to bear the heat...

But monsoon won't come this time

Choose your path, leaving the one I tread...

For its foolish to walk my line.

Dont worry about here, ever henceforth...

I'll be fine as being lovelorn.

Spare but this night from thy memories...

I won't cry from tomorrow morn.

Never again empathize those futile tears

Which'll flow....and've always flown

I don't need to hold your finger anymore...

I have learnt to walk on my own.

Penitent's Prayer...

In the dark vault of pride...
And haven of doom...
Got buried my glory...
May be never to rise....
As pride intersected our course...

And left behind was me...With empty despaired hands...
And a void mind...
Rummaging through the past...
Trying to fathom ways....to bring u back.

I wanna crawl back to you..
though I know not how...
For I'm stuck in my self-woven cobwebs...
And I know not the way out...
Every following effort,embroils me further...
In this labyrinth of mine...

I'm perplexed...I know not the way to reach
my destiny...The strength do I lack...
I know not the way to pray thee...
To make you again turn back...
And see...
That its no more the same me...

Your jilted memories accomplished...
which years of love couldn't...
And hear I am waiting...with stretched arms
Promising a life...the way you dreamt

For every element of pride...
Today seems as a mirage to me...
And I'm penitent before you...
Begging...
on bruised knees...
To let me stay with thee.......