Rains that never returned...

Rains have always been a part of me. I can feel myself connect with the rain.
May be for the rest of the world,its just a few moments of downpour,bringing smiles on faces;or a seemingly never-ending process,causing disgust and wrinkles on forehead.It may be an object to love,a reason to celebrate,a peril to fear or a curse to hate.But after having known about the boons and massacres it has caused through ages, I have never been able to form my well-defined opinion about rain.

Rather rain didn't let me form an opinion about it...

It never appeared to me in its true self.....and has always been a hypocrite.It has been with me, in me; never as some separate entity called "rain".But always, as me.

I saw myself growing up with the rain.I can still recollect my toddler days when the faint sound of a drizzle on the rooftop made my heart pound with huge elation.It was right since then, that I actually started talking to the rain.

I remember the dusky midday,years ago at my parental house, when I heard the 'hammering' of rain on the window panes and got to know what is 'hail'.The whole noon was then spent collecting hailstones with father and big bro...and meticulously counting them to be the highest collector!

I recall the rainy mornings when dadu used to have differences with mom and aunt regarding me and bro going to school.We always used to support him silently, and as per the rule,majority always used to win.

The mornings thereafter have remained deeply imprinted on my mind.Though I was never a foodie, still the smell of khichudi and luchi-aloor dum coupled with the intoxicating smell of rain never failed to create an euphoric mood in me.

I still laugh to remind the surprise on everyone's face when I predicted rain on a fine sunny day and after minutes of sneering, it DID start to rain!
I have always been able to feel rain before it came...the first drop of water on ground gives me the amazing essence of drenched soil and wet meadows....saturated ponds and flooded streets....the essence of a holiday in Venice....the essence of finding me within me....

It was monsoon when I met, rather recognised, that "First person" in my life.
He reminded me of a windy evening after a scorching noon..flying dead leaves over a deserted street..shivers in the frigid northern wind..sound of breaking window panes and the familiar screams of unnecessary panic…
He reminded me of a Tagore song…and long solitary walks on rainfed gardens.He brought back loneliness in my 'fulfilled' life, and taught me to feel lost in the midst of a crowd.He gave me the chance to share new stories with the monsoon, experiences of my first-found love.

And it was another monsoon,he left......

Dadu was no more, big bro went miles away...And baba was also no more the same.He seemed to have grown up with his baby daughter.What didn't change was rain.

Grief went beyond my grasp...and familiar faces seemed foreign.I felt stuck at home with alienated figures.Loneliness pervaded all around.I had to love life that way.They say they love walking in the rain coz no one can see them crying.I disagree.I love rain coz it cries with me,unlike everyone else...

Until a magic wand struck....and everything changed.....

It was raining cats and dogs the day...
a magician came into my life...And showed me life the way it should have been...
He showed me after night there's day,after mistakes a chance and after every winter,comes a spring.
He showed me the rainbow after rain...
I learnt not to be happy being lonely and craved to hold his hand.To look at the polished side of the coin and overlook the dull side.To love and accept love with its hues...All over again.

It still rains the same way,but I miss the rains that reminded me the smell of my grandmom,my worn-out parental house,my childhood...I wish that angel had come into my life long back.And I could hold his hand and walk across those wet streets under the same heavy rains,for years to come.Wish my family would have been the same...

And all of us would have been together...ma,baba,dadu,thamma,dada,me and my angel....under the ethereal bliss of the rain....